Art of becoming

I was sitting in the library listening to my itunes and programming away and I realized my experience of sitting and programming was changing me. Every one of my decisions was changing me. Not only my acts but my desires and intentions as I live and exercise agency. So was I becoming who I wanted to be? In other words was I doing the things to make myself into someone I liked?

The answer is sometimes. Sometimes I live up to my goals, desires and dreams. Sometimes I fall to my baser nature.

But enough about me. It seems self evident that if you spend all your time watching cartoons instead of working or other activities, you will become poor, in poor health and empty. However if you replaced most of the cartoon watching with a job, possible some educational activities and some service for others you life would be more full.

As a side note in LDS culture there is often a need, a pressing demand, to be "productive". This doesn't mean that we should work, go to church and be with our families every hour of everyday. We are to move forward one step from where we are at a time. Remembering that we are to moderate in all things. So exercise a reasonable amount. Work a moderate amount. Play some. ETC.

The key to this is for you decide what kind of person you want to be and work towards that. If can change and probably will as time passes. But the simple fact that you have a goal- that will bring more joy in your life.

Early Season Jazz Grades

This is my take on how the Jazz are doing- each player is being grade on a curve of their ability and their expectations:

Coach Sloan- gets a solid B for integrating AK and realizing he should be playing Collins or Hart.

Deron Williams-has played like an allstar part of the time, and like a clutch inefficient player some of the time too. He gets a C+ so and is on track for a possible All-Star year.

Carlos Boozer- gets a B for being our best offensive player and rebounder. He also has been making an effort in help defense. He needs to continue to improve there.

Memo- has be very poor this year. I wonder if his toe problem is still bothering him. He hasn't been rebounding or defending and looks hesitant to take his shots. C-

AK- A- He misses an A only because when he does have a shot inside he forces it to Boozer. He has been awesome.

Brewer- He has play good D, hustled and scoring inside. He also has hit a few outside shots. B+

Hart- played horrible for the first 6 games but his play has improved over the last 2. Still can't finish a layup but made few passes and a few jumpers. D+

Millsap- Up and down. Still is undersized. Can fight through some matchups and not others. C

Giricek- has hustled on D, spaced himself and hit some shots. He has been effective off the bench. B

Harpring-still is hurt and apparently sick. Can still score but is slower then dirt and falls down a lot. D

CJ Miles-has hustled and played hard in the few minutes he has gotten. C

Price- hasn't really played. C

Collins-Is a passable backup. C

Almond and Fesenko get N/A they haven't played.

Overall the Jazz have won a few close games and haven't really beaten any good teams yet. B

Truth and logic

The words most often used to describe me are "smart" and "weird". I am going to focus on the first. People in general when they meet me hear my vocabulary, the speed with which I can change topics and how quickly I pick up on what people are talking about and say wow you seem really smart. They then also assume (usually) wow if your smart you must be able to solve this problem or some difficult things. You must have life figured out. No if I could do that I would be wise not smart. I am smart, I can think and learn with the best of them but I am not wise. I am human and I err. My senses can be deceived and I can choose to delude myself. So can I know the 'right' answer about anything? Well logically I can't. I can't trust my sources of information (senses, etc). I can't trust my ability to interpret the information I get. So what can anyone trust?

The only logical answer is to ask someone else who knows? Well everyone around is human too- just as fallible as I am. Who else could I ask? The answer is God. He is the only possible source of Truth. So if you want the Truth of anything you have to go directly to the source. On the few occasions in my life I have been wise I have done so.

So pray, God answers prayers. I promise.

Me and Critiquing books

So I often am invited to read a book that one of my friends liked. I'll read it and when asked say "It was okay; I liked parts of it." When pressed I will add," The characters were stagnant. I didn't believe this character's motivations. It wasn't that great really." Often my friends are slightly taken back. They shouldn't be. I haven't written anything I consider to be good or even okay. But how to come up with these impossible standards? Well I have read good fiction. Just like eating really good chocolate it takes most the fun out of mundane american chocolate, reading really good books only whets your appetite for more.

So here are some books/series I consider really good:

Song of Ice and Fire- George R.R. Martin

This series has not be completed and if made into a movie it might be NC-17. But the characters, there are a lot of them, are beautifully conceived. Bad things don't happen for no reason, they happen because the people that live in this world are sometimes greedy or their intentions go awry or they are just crazy. Each character moves inside a interesting world, growing, interacting and changing the world around them. I hope to some day be able to create a world as engrossing as this.

Dune- Frank Herbert

These books are excellent. At the surface it is a SciFi series with a subtle plot with beautifully drawn characters, underneath it is the philosopher's repose were social commentary and insights abound. I find I have to stop and think about the moral questions Mr. Herbert raises. Good for Young Adults.

The Chronicles of Thomas Covenant- Stephen R. Donaldson

Enter the world of Thomas Covenant-the rejected, the despised, the leper. This is probably the deepest characterization I have ever read. The world isn't diverse as other fantasy but Covenant's pain, growth and decisions have a raw intensity that is astounding. Read it. (Again probably okay for Young Adults, not for children.)


Hmm I'll more later. I am too tired for now.

The first 4 games for the Jazz

Some observations after the first 4 games:

Our team defense has sucked.

The teams toughness was exposed against the Rockets and Lakers.

AK is playing really hard right now and Boozer is looking to get him involved all the time. But the Jazz offense isn't running well as it should and so no one is getting good shots.

Brewer has shown the ability to finish tough shots around the hoop and the ability to create a little. His defense has been solid but not exceptional.

Deron has played great most of the time but he has been inefficient and as the point has to make the offense work better.

Memo has been inconsistent and Boozer has been a beast.

Harpring is still hurt or just weak. He can still score and tries to hustle but his body betrays him.

Jason Hart has been downright horrible. Maybe it isn't all his fault the offense falls apart when he is in there.


The suggestions are to try a little zone defense like the 3-2 we saw in the preseason. Practice help defense better.

Offensively we just need to run our sets better--Boozer and Deron can't bail us out everytime.

Hart needs to get it together or he needs to be replaced.

The vagaries of feelings and thought

It is interesting to consider human beings. We are partially rational, thinking and logical entities. We are also partially emotional, ever-changing persons. Every human falls somewhere on a line between completely logical and completely emotional. Guys tend to be more thinking and sometimes more rational. And girls tend to be more emphatic and emotional. There is no right or wrong to this but rather differences in decision making methodologies. For me, myself and I; I make lot of decisions rationally and some decisions emotionally. For big decisions I tend to rationally consider things and then take inventory of feelings once I feel that I have gathered the needed information. Why am I bringing this up?

Well I recently decided to ask a girl to marry me. (She said yes.) And I was examining how I made that decision. We dated and I got to know her. I asked questions and got information about her. What she is doing. What is her favorite color. Data. But in the end all that information was instinctively formed in a gestalt that became an overwhelming feeling. Were there other unseen interactions--on perhaps a spiritual level? I believe so. The amazing thing to me is for such an intellectual person and how much I live in my head; it is my heart that makes the big decisions. My head just has to figure out how to make it happen.

Holding me back?

Do you ever get the feeling that work is holding you back?

I have been lately. I have some many other things in the works but I don't have enough time to properly treat them. For example I am going to school to finish up my ME degree, I am writing a book (I haven't had time for a few weeks) and I am working on a video game project with some programming buddies. With just my one class and writing my book I think I could finish both easily by December. But I would be giving a significant amount of money. Hmm time or money I think I have heard of this debate before.

I guess I will have to ponder some more.

Jazz @ Phoenix 124-101 (Preseason)

This game was a blowout from the beginning. The Jazz were sloppy in the 1st quarter and the Suns were drilling 3's. But we can take some things away from the game:

Boozer is in shape but needs to work on timing.

Deron played well but took hard foul on a layup and was icing his right hand/wrist. Hopefully he is fine.

Brewer was tentative in the 1st half but hit his free throws and rounded into form in the 2nd half. The Sun played a scrambling pressure D and the would team struggled with it. But once the 2nd team players he dominated again.

CJ Miles tried hard but he is not even close to ready.

Almond struggled with the team speed of Phoenix. He couldn't fight around screens and had a hard time scoring.

Price is a shooting guard in a point's body. Several times with the shot clock at 8 or 9 he took a bad shot instead giving the all to the post or driving. He still played good D.

Hart is going to be the backup point and we better hope that Deron doesn't get hurt.

Millsap played well but we need Boozer and Okur on the floor.

Giricek scored a little but look that good either.

There are more games in the preseason thank goodness.

Up too late and can't sleep

From time to time I am a little sleepless. But writing or reading helps. So here I am writing.

News and notes from the life of Jason:

Jazz preseason is plugging along and Ronnie Brewer has been tearing it up. He will probably start at the 2 and my hopes of another deep playoff run is growing everyday.

I am still dating a special girl named Nicole. Well as of two hours ago. Something might have changed. She might have realized I am dating a NERD! And freaked out. I am not insecure at all and I am offended that you suggested so.

I purchased Guitar Hero 2 again this week. I say again but my ex-roommate purchased it before. I just have been remembering my skillz. I can again pass many songs on hard. Cursed orange fret.

My foray into the world of Numerical Thermodynamics is still progresses in fits and starts. I don't understand enough of it to explain clearly what I don't understand; nor am I so perplexed by not knowing to give up entirely. It's a vicious cycle. So I spend copious amounts of time not studying. (I blame Nicole.)

Also NBA 2k8 update, in the 3 seasons I have played the Jazz they won the championship each time. So Kevin O'Connor you know you need to give me your job.

Other then that I am really tired now. Nighty, night.

Jazz Training Camp Opens

Yea! Jazz Camp opens this morning. I am happy and filled giddy butterflies. Also there are so many questions:

Will CJ Miles earn any playing time? He did get a contract. The one year qualifying offer.

Personally I think CJ is going finally do what has to do get on the floor. Learn to play tough defense. He has millions of dollars hanging in the balance.

Will AK work his butt off so he has trade value?

I think we will see an up and down AK. But I think he will keep his mouth shut and try to please the Jazz for a while. Maybe his trade value will go up.

When will Boozer(son's bone marrow transplant) and Deron(Wisdom teeth removed) play in camp?

I am not worried about either of these player. Deron will be playing soon enough and he knows the sets. Boozer likewise is by all reports in great shape and will be ready to go.

And most importantly how good will the Jazz be?

I don't know but I am excited to see.

I let you know once I have simulated the season on NBA 2k8.

Math Miracle

If I had to list my least favorite things they would go something like: not knowing how to solve a problem, waiting for something I really want, being bored and people eating with their mouthes open. I could go on for pages and pages but I will just focus on not knowing how to do something. Anyone who has attempted to solve a complex physics, engineering or math problem can attest that it is really frustrating to stare at a problem and have no idea where to start. I know all the tricks to jump start your mind. Write down everything you know about the problem. Check. Review your notes and relevant chapters in your text. Check. Do something else for a few minutes like writing a blog entire. In the process. If I wasn't such a social misfit I could call a friend from class. Alas I have none. My professor is unavailable; so I will have to have faith in a miracle, a math miracle. My faith is weak however because the homework is due tomorrow and I was/am lazy.

Jazz and AK

If you are a Jazz fan and haven't heard AK has demanded that he be traded. The problem is that the had tried for about a year to get any sort of value for AK. I am sort of torn because I like AK but on the court most of what he does can be replaced by Harpring, Millsap and Brewer. Some of the shotblocking can't be replaced as well as the passing and ball handling. But as long as AK is whining nothing is going to improve.

Tradewise AK is a fit for Toronto, Golden State, Dallas, Phoenix and Memphis. Dallas has enough trade assests but I like Toronto trades for these two reasons-Rasho Nesterovic and Anthony Parker. We get an expiring deal for Nesterovic and a starting 2 guard. Parker's deal ends this year as well but at least we are improving our teams chemistry.

Stories that write themselves

I have been trying to write a book for more then 6 months. I have scrapped two book ideas and started my current idea 4 times. But on the 5th try it just felt right. I had developed enough characters, I had found the right time to introduce those characters and the words just flowed out of me. But writing is an ever changing mistress. What I thought the story was going to be changes subtly every time I sit in front of my laptop and characters I never considered just appeared for me. I still have to polish them up. But now that they spawned I can't consider not having them.

Though starting school again and finding a wonderful girl has slowed me down the feeling of the story synthesizing itself inside of my head won't leave me alone. I need to find time to get vision of my mind out in print. Who knows I might even make some money doing it as well as maintain my sanity.

Ronnie Price and Fesenko

Price is officially a Jazzman and I have heard rumors that Fesenko will be bought out.

This also means that Dee Brown will probably move on from Utah. Fesenko if signed might mean the end Hoffa in Utah too.

For me these are good moves-
-We get bigger and more athletic with both of these players
-Fess is a shot-blocker that will spend a lot of time in Ronnie's old stomping grounds with the Flash
-Price is an excellent man to man defender and scorer. He needs to improve his passing but he has a Jerry Sloan attitude and work ethic.

And while these player help the Jazz get better-they probably won't play a lot.

Jazz sign Ronnie Price

http://www.deseretnews.com/dn/view/0,1249,695195371,00.html

The Jazz sign Ronnie Price. He is a 6'2" PG/SG. He hasn't done a lot in his time in the league yet. He has shown flashes of scoring ability and athleticism. But his too small to be full-time shoot guard and doesn't have the instincts or passing skills to be full-time point at this time. Also this signing combined the Jason Hart signing means that Dee Brown is probably going to be not resigned. It also continues the recent trend of bigger point guards for the Jazz. It also begs the question how much 2 with Jason Hart play. Overall I like this signing. He gives a very athletic option for scoring and defense off the bench. I am sad to apparently see Dee go, but this is all about making the team better.

On a slightly related note, this makes the CJ Miles situation even more confusing. Are the Jazz going to resign him? If so for how many seasons? Will his sitting out the RMR put him in Sloan's doghouse? Do Jazzfans even care?

I guess we all get to wait to see what happens together.

A beginning

This isn't the beginning. Rather only a beginning but it is my beginning so I think it will be fun. I will blog on things I am interested in- surprise. This will include minutia of the Utah Jazz, my experiences in trying to write a novel and anything else that tickles my intellectually funny bone. I hope you have stick around and have as much as fun I do.